Like you, I go in hopeful and happy, and later find I’m not included. Add to this the many other social experiences we had where we felt put down, shamed or rejected (a teacher who humiliated us in front of our class, a bully at school who put us down on a daily basis), and we can start to see how our inner critic took shape. That certainly explains why so many of us men are still single today, and not by choice either. I can remember AA a teenager, wanting to watch TV with my family, but whenever I came into the room, they had “something else” to do. They haven’t called to check on me. Leave your mom out for a while and see how she likes it. Wow. I think plenty of us here probably get enough of that treatment already… There are five important steps to overcoming this inner critic. I read an article that says if you look at ppl coming towards you in the eye they will move, it seemed to work. I’ve probably known this stuff for decades, (I’m now 67) and some of the causes, such as always feeling I am the ‘odd one out’ because of being born with a couple of physical disabilities, (both mainly invisible) one of which I am a proud I survived from and own up to, whilst the other I am always ashamed of. And if ur thinking this can’t b, that your love could never be a monster, thats exactly what they are designed to make u think. All went unanswered. Unless, of course, you hold on to them. They want you to be upset. My own father reported me out of anger & he’s done & said alot worse, but nobody has reported them. Always solitary, always alone , I can’t stand it anymore , glad I found this site , I was in sheer desperation last night . I know it’s the opposite of an ideal situation, but somehow I happen to find your comment refreshing. Omg this is literally all of my thoughts and the why was Correct too I was bullied badly and my first relationship was mentally and verbally abusive. You can change what you allow yourself to believe about yourself and the world, and that will change everything. They may appear to have 1000’s of friends, but may go home and just feel as empty as this article talks about. I feel like if I disappeared no one would miss me. You can still have a full, happy, and meaningful life even if no one wants to share it with you. Get educated and get out. Yet I wonder about the price to pay for my present when I feel I’m running out of time as I have had to lead a practical working life of survival that has being void of inclusion voice as it’s participation requires the expression & control stemming from others that I could have been a robot. laughs! Whenever I come across real people or characters who are loved by everyone for no apparent reason I hate them cause I never get that. I am currently Ill with heart disease and have had 2 recent TIA’s. No matter how others perceive you, your most important job is to figure out how you truly perceive yourself. Because of ankle back & knee cronich problems they say wanting to go places with them is selfish they say I only want to go to make them feel bad when l only want to go to be involved?in other words I meen nothing to my wife and kids or anyone else in the family we used to have so much fun before i had so many problems at age 50 im no good to anyone anymore? He doesn’t like you. I literally thought to myself that I must just have one of those personalities that people don’t like. First of all,the way you list of your shortcomings try and list out your qualities like you have a good sense of humor or whatever..Stop undervaluing yourself.. Also, if they were so lonely, why didn’t they respond to texts, calls, emails, or mail? Invisible in a conventional context … always seconds at work, social & family whatever the occasion they just put up with me. Have I done wrong yes but I’m the only one getting punished. And many of us Good men really Hate being Single too. I have a new friend now, thin as air, I named her Radzi, who sits across the table from me and listens to me. There were functions happening & third parties would make me aware of them after the fact, as why I wasn’t there which made me look like I wasn’t interested. I feel so lonely. Some of my white friends excluded me because they knew my parents were black. I was popular in high school and had a lot of friends but it still bothered me a lot when no one invited me anywhere, I just felt worthless and like they purposely didn’t invite me. me too I m ugly, useless and stupid. What we think and feel really matters , I often end up hearing problems and I really care and give attention but when I need some human interaction it’s just not available. They are just beer buddies and coffee mates. All my extended family are dead apart from a few distant cousins who are strangers. It’s also possible that since you seem to be a “hard worker” maybe be you are playing it too hard to meet without YOU realizing it, which can be a turn off to most. The women who are just like me in personality type want a white guy with a big beard and tattoos. As a child I was severely bullied throughout all of my school years, even by some teachers who seemed to take pleasure in humiliating me and was often mentally and emotionally abused by my mother who hated men, and a father that had very little to do with his son. I’m just not sure why. Just talk about your lack of confidence. I think we’re conditioned by society to feel we need to spend time with others and have times of good fellowship. I try to put myself to be outgoing and coolish but i feel likei get hurt and treated badly so i hide. Once that axiom sinks in, it’s a lot easier to get away from the TV and start reprogramming your mind with healthy stuff and dealing with your flaws proactively. I try not to expect anything from people and resolve not to be easily offended. #mc_embed_signup{background:#fff; clear:left; font:14px Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif; } You are not the opinions of others, even your parents. How is my inner critic actually altering my behavior? Thank you. I had an awful unhappy childhood where both my parents didnt want me or loved me and one just didnt want to know me, but the other brought me up resentfully with a lot of cruelty. Sometimes it brings a teat to my eyes. People sometimes think me and my 13 year old daughter ate sisters. I always go out of my way to be helpful, considerate to others. Most of us have had enough of that– and these aspects are trying to help us, not hurt us. And when you’re in love with someone, when you truly love them, life is easier, not harder. Even my mother would say it had to be my shortcomings as “everyone else an’t be wrong.” I’m sure you are very cool on many levels! Previous ‘friends’ would ignore me unless they needed something so I don’t make friends, I don’t socialize, I spend most days inside watching Television 24\7 and trying to seek my flaws. i will actually go round folk when im having a bad day and ask them if i have done anything to annoy them . I could identify with some of the things in this article. I do want to throw in that if you are friendly and nice and positive and people still seem to avoid inviting you in, it may be the very fact that you feel you need so much for them to like you. Thanks again. And that makes me feel stupid. I have just accepted that I am not everyones “cup of tea”. I have a BFF from my home town (mind you we only see Eachother once a year for a week) that I love to death but she’s always talking about how many guys have asked her out and how many friends she has (she’s not bragging tho btw she’s a super nice person) and I have NOTHING to tell her, no guy has ever asked me out, or been intrested Plus Sleep Tips, How to Quit Something (or Someone) You Love, 16 Gift Ideas for People Who Are Confined Indoors (Shut-Ins), Broken Hearted? Anybody had similar experiences, and what do you do about it? My heart breaks for you as I read your words. I don’t go into a situation thinking no one likes me … it just happens. Start to notice when your thought process shifts and your inner critic starts to invade your mind. I have a really broken view of myself and I can now see how it has affected my relationship with other people. It's hard sometimes to feel like you're being heard. do you now feel like you want to shout asking for help but its just too scary and no words come out ? Why I am too timid or scared to talk with other people. Any contact that I have with them is because I initiate it. Humans treated me horrible. I also experienced a trauma that completely altered my perception of people and reality. The TIA’s are causing some confusion.Thanks for letting me vent. I feel traumatised by people at this point and would rather be alone . People don’t like me but I have stopped trying to figure out how, or try and find my value in pleasing them (yes i’m a people pleaser). Wow. Look I know you mean well but I’ve yet to experience much positive energy coming in my direction, when I trusted people in the past they took advantage or they let me down, it’s difficult to make friends if people don’t want to. I have social anxiety and I agonize going to work everyday. I have friends okay but I feel so left out, trust issues makes me push them away. It can be a highly subconscious and seamless part of our thought process, making it hard to recognize. No One Will Ever Love Me – 5 Ways To Deal With It We have talked about the reasons that make you feel unloved; let’s talk about how you can deal with feeling unloved. i can come across like the class clown, making people laugh and being silly until my demons start talking and then i feel like the loneliest person ever. However getting to be rlly good friends is even harder because like so many other ppl here, I always have to be the first to msg others to get a reply or sometimes even none. People sense that and they may become afraid, consciously or not, that if they give you reassurance you will cling to them and demand more and more, which is very daunting if they are already having to work hard to maintain their own confidence. Now most women today just want a MR. 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